apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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