he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
