I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
