woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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