dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
