so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
