When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
