Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
where are you?
Hypothermia
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
