I CAN MOONWALK!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
