Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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