I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Mom said you looked used
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
