Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
