I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
