i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
