70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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