She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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