The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
