i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
