dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
