thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
