I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
