I wish I could punch you in the face.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
