Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize