Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Semen is not good for contacts.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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