I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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