His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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