I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
