got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
