you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
