fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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