Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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