Dual....:-)
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
