Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
