for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
