Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
