ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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