tell your sister to shave her snatch
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i believe in u and ur pee
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
