It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
