been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
