Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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