In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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