Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
