In America we eat man semen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
