So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
