Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
