She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
