this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
