I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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