Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
