How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
