WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
