so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
