Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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