Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
