why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize