ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
