if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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