you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
