drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
