I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
