I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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