Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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