Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Will exercising make me less horny?
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