Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
