i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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