wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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