I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
