Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
