I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
