I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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