he shaved USA in his pubs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
