So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
